It's officially 31 days until 2020, what are your biggest accomplishments? Greatest downfalls? What have you learned? What are you proud of? Take a second, ponder it. 2019 has felt like whirlwind of losses, of wins, of some stagnancy but quick realizations that have turned into progress. Of understanding where you stand and where you… Continue reading REFLECTIONS: a work in progress
Optimism feels new to me, when you have been burned one too many times- the options feel slim. You’re looking at me with love in your eyes, Like you’ve known me for lifetimes on end, it is as if you scoured every burrow wondering where I lay down my head, Once you finally found me,… Continue reading Optimistically Naive
What is it about the truth? That makes you want to play the avoidance game, If you avoid something long enough- it’ll disappear right? Wrong. Erosions of miscommunication, Deliverance of blunt truths, In swift acts of self preservation, I retreat within myself. Terrified of what you might say, scared to see what could come of… Continue reading Evading the inevitable
"Stop spending so much time trying to pour yourself into people that aren’t ready or willing to hold you." -Maxwell Diawuoh Recently, I've been introspective on the idea of friendship- on what occurs when there's a standstill in communication, in trust, in love. Often, sometimes- perhaps knowingly or unknowingly, we shrink into smaller versions of… Continue reading relationship rain check
Ambiguity masquerading as hope, I reached for it, siphoned it into my life- hoping that it would somehow transform itself into the answers I was searching for, But Hope left me empty, left me wondering what was next- Hope did what she always does- like a chameleon, she transformed herself into something new- something different,… Continue reading Hope, Ambiguity, Confusion: a ménage of dreams
It’s easy to say that I miss you- but perhaps that’s a lie, It’s only when the memories rush through my mind, Montages of happy beginnings and abrupt endings, Maybe I miss the memories the most And you the least, I definitely do not miss the pain you caused me, Sometimes if I shut my… Continue reading Valentine’s Fool
I wrote this poem a couple years ago when I felt consumed by anxiety/depression. For me, it wasn't about the quality of the poem but the outlet it provided me to feel calm again. An anxiety attack makes you feel out of control, elevates the beating of your heart- to create intense palpitations, makes you… Continue reading Anxiety+Mental Health in the age of #BellLetsTalk
It is a tale as old as time.... it exists in literature, film, media, in real life- that idea of having a 'person', a 'best friend', a 'soulmate', someone who is your other half. Some of us are fortunate enough to be blessed with this one person in our lives. One that you truly 'get',… Continue reading Muna Abukar: A BFF love story
It's that time of the year again, a new year/ the freshness of a new start. Snow's falling on Toronto's cemented streets, lush pilings that's pretty to look at but dreadful to walk/drive through. In true global warming fashion, it's all gone the next day. Kind of makes you feel hopeful! The feeling of a… Continue reading January 2019: c-c-changes!
The hindsight creeps in when retrospective thoughts occur, In the vast game of a long con, Feelings never become observed. Indifference nonchalance running through your mind, 3am wake up calls only douse your fire. Wonder where we'd be if this was the flip of a dime, Wonder what would happen if the game was one… Continue reading The Long Con
You are a stranger in my mind- roaming about with no substance of memory to hold you up. Pedestals you once occupied- now torn down- renovated into vacancies that will never be filled again. Souls cascading into an ever flowing stream of awkward encounters and empty relations. The love- one that was once plentiful and… Continue reading forgetfulness
Free falling into an unknown abyss/ reliving dreams shaping up into nightmares, sleepless nights and empty thoughts/ feeling kind of lost, distractions only last a while. Cycles of repetitive charades, will I ever be content? Premature happiness brought on by moments of complete bliss, will it ever be enough? Incomplete contemplation and contemplated hesitation, what's… Continue reading Word Vomit/ What’s Next?
Hi, it's me again. Ugh... dont say it don't say it don't say it don't say it .... back at it again with another blog post! UGH! I HaveN'T posTED iN A WhILE. I can't help but laugh whenever I say such phrases. I am going to stop putting such a premium on posting and… Continue reading 12:34pm on a Thursday, manifestations, dreams and friendship
Do you have a happy place? A memory that you constantly hold dear? One that stops you from going to the deepest darkest places in your mind? Kenya. I dream of you. I stop to drink everything in. The sights, the sounds, the long stretch of road between Eastleigh and Jomo Kenyatta International Airport as… Continue reading flashbacks of kenya
It has taken me a while to get the words together, words that I've never thought of uttering, of even contemplating. I always found a home in you, a type of recognition that only love could find. We've been through a lot together, the pitfalls that life had created for us, experiences that should've bonded… Continue reading losing
It is Sunday, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and last week J-Cole released his fifth studio album on 4/20. Fitting and ironic as the title is "K.O.D" is "Kids on Drugs" or "King Overdose" or "Kill our Demons". All three titles being homages to the ways in which drugs are the biggest… Continue reading KEVIN’S HEART, INFIDELITY, MICRO-CHEATING AND J-COLE’S K.O.D: A REVIEW
It has been interesting, all the twists and turns, The miscarriage of all the words involved. Speaking and yet not saying anything of substance, So why am I feeling so lost? Affected by the debris of your broken promises, Of narratives we tell ourselves to keep from changing orders already put in place. Expectations dropped… Continue reading Silence
All my poetry is starting to sound like it is for you. Beautifully written prose all strung together, encapsulating how I feel. But how do you feel? It's been clear that the mountains you wish to move are not for me, The songs you sing, not meant for my ears. But how do you feel,… Continue reading Poetic Rebirth
What you don't say becomes you. It feels like it's vocalized in the thickness of your silence. The universe is working overtime to correct and rectify the death of your decisions. The less you say, the more you become a permanent fixture of your anti-self. The baritone of your regrets are bellowing out like a… Continue reading Universal Pull
The after effect shocked me to my very core. All this bliss but I still felt torn, All I could think of is the state of you & I, Do you even love her? Or is it just I? You try to have your cake and eat it too, I used to marvel at the… Continue reading INTROSPECTION
Fear. It manifests itself into the aversions you have, the people clowns you are afraid of and of course- through the dark and immense wonders of the world that we are taught as children: the concepts of life and death. As a child, I possessed three fears: 1. swallowing my gum and it becoming etched and stuck in my stomach for 7 years (what kind of myth/fear was this? sounds like it was perpetuated by elementary and middle schoolers and parents to convince you that chewing gum was not beneficial for your teeth) , 2. falling and scraping my knees (did this from my bike once and had to get multiple stitches and have to deal with a lifelong scar that is a constant reminder of the hill I should not have rode down) and 3. disappointing people. It was as if these fears were heightened as an adult, perhaps not the first two but more so- the last. The fear of disappointment becoming an anchor on my heart every time I contemplated making major decisions that could potentially alter the course of my life- especially when you feel like the decision you are making is in your own best interest but is met with a lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the people in your life. But how do we move past this? Karen Thompson Walker has an incredible TEDTalk about Fear, about how fear and storytelling are intertwined and contain the same components that live within our minds. She speaks about the fables that surround fear and how its misconception has flouted our minds into believing its debilitating nature. But what if it isn't? What if fear can be used as a mechanism to imagine the unimaginable, to move the mountains that stand in our way, to conquer the plights that we deem difficult and to finally- dream the type of dreams that can turn into stories. Walker uses this ideology in her TedTalk by equating fear into storytelling and using it to further our understanding. Read More...
It's happened again! This time, the reason for my mia-ness have been a combination of a matter of domain wars with WordPress + Godaddy.com + writing for NaNoMo and trying not to rip my hair from my scalp. I feel as though all my creativity has been sucked dry by trying to remain consistent in my… Continue reading December blues + UPDATES
How easy is it to be consistent? In the hobbies you have, the books you *attempt* to read after someone recommends yet another "coming of age" novel to you, in the relationships you have or the dreams you try and pursue? Are you consistent? I can begin by saying, no I am not. Not as… Continue reading Inconsistency n Anxiety: What gives?
Hello guys! I am back but the real question is... am I better? It has been quite some time since I have written anything music-related on this blog. The last post would have to be my indepth review on J-Cole and his album "4 Your Eyez Only" and on the song "Neighbours" in particular. Well… Continue reading REFRESH YOUR PLAYLISTS P1
Dear Halima, it's me again. I spoke to you once, ten years past. We spoke of love and life's influence, We spoke of dreams and disingenuous friends. We spoke of what you needed to do next, A type of confidence rooted in experience. We spoke of your heart and how gentle it is, We… Continue reading Letter to Halima pt 1
I had a dream where I was submerged in water, unable to move. My body scarily still- as if it has forgotten how to fight or swim. Paralyzed. My mind racing and head swirling with thoughts of mortality and all I could see is you. All I could feel was you. Perhaps it was the… Continue reading 4AM
I know how painful it must be to yearn and yearn and yearn... but never have it reciprocated. How your smile must fade when you see him holding her, a tight grasp that will never loosen. Do your dreams fade a little, every time he speaks of her? Do you feel like what once was… Continue reading FATE
Rejection. As the great Oprah Winfrey once said: "I don't want anyone who doesn't want me". I have been dealing with this reality a lot lately. I was told- perhaps even warned about how it would begin to consume my life. You go through 4 years of undergraduate to complete a degree and in that time, you… Continue reading REJECTION: JOBS, SHOOT YOUR SHOT 2017, GOALS & ASPIRATIONS
After a very long blog hiatus, I am back! The real question is- am I better? I've been so caught up with the stresses of school, final exams, assignments... but I'm DONE! I am happy to say that I am finally finished my undergraduate degree in Health Studies and English. It has been a long and… Continue reading BACK N BETTER: Updates, What’s Next?
A mile a minute, A minute a mile, My heart is racing, I can hear it banging, In the crevices of my ear drums now The hollows of my throat closing in, tightening deeper and deeper as I am gasping for air; The anxiety in my chest is an intruder as I am thinking… Continue reading a mile
I do not believe in cliches, in love stories or narratives that end in happy endings- at least for us... I do not. All I know, all I know for sure is the depth of your smile and the warmth that emanates when you look at me and how I feel. But when you look at me,… Continue reading Soulmates