I always get into bouts of creative energy- kind of being on a elongated sugar high (see: day after Halloween/Christmas/Valentines Day when you stock up on 50% off chocolate and candy) which tends to last for a few days until I get stuck. Just like that sugar high, I come crashing down and so do all of my ideas. I can't even seem to write about my day- the crippling fear of judgement comes back in huge ways- in a similar way as the sugar high... except I never come down. This was kind of numbed in 2016- I learned how to push past the nervousness and just press 'post' whether or not the material is considered to be 'good'- if it's bad, if it's complete trash, the feeling of posting allows you to finally be finished with a piece. It allows you to share your work with the world and move on to different material. It's one month and 14 days into 2017 and I've forgotten what that feels like. My creativity is still stuck in 2016- unable to make the leap to this brave new world.
Instead of studying for my exams, I am sitting here listening to J Cole's latest album '4 Your Eyez Only'. The fire that is emanating from my speakers is quite distracting (oh god Halima that was so corny, this is why you don't write any reviews!). This by far is NOT a traditional music review- [...]
Our eyes meet, begging to have a conversation; The twinkle in yours draws me in closer and closer. The intoxication I feel is better than a mediated high, One that takes me into mindless euphoria, One that shapes the way I feel for you. The point of the matter is discussed through a slight [...]
"Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of the love is lost." -Khalil Gibran Like passing ships in the night, we keep missing each other. Your presence felt heavily like a gust of wind or a perculation of goosebumps. We miss out on the little instances of [...]
The life and times of Hello Halima have been a little bit shaky recently. I am just a mere mortal, an undergraduate student trying to finish up her last year of university. While some things have become like second nature to me like- editing papers, doing readings, talking to professors and TAs about assignments [...]
Here we are in the last ten minutes of October and I am feeling content. The 31st has been quite a "full-circle moment" type of day. I found myself going through the day just completely and wholeheartedly content with where I am in life. It made me reflect on last autumn, where I was a [...]
Too often we are stuck behind the formalities of hiding behind our pride. We become products of our own self-sabotage as we find ways to hide our real emotions and find the easy route to a lessened ideal of pain. We become afraid of opening up to our loved ones because the truth becomes tangible, we do not apologize when it is the easiest option because fighting takes less energy than letting go of your pride to right a wrong. The options to salvage a friendship become harder to fathom so we end up just cutting ties altogether. In our idea of saving ourselves, we often end up hurting the relations we once held so dear. That being said, some relationships deserve quick snips, severances so real and deep that looking twice is almost disgraceful. You are not fair to yourself when you choose to engage in ideals of toxicity. Toxic friends, toxic behaviours. A barrier and a block to your self-growth, a piece of the self-sabotage tree blossoming into branches of negativity, roots that overtake your life. In this pursuit of tangibility, our grasp of our everyday reality is re-shaped and damaged. We rarely stop to fix and examine the misgivings that we are accustomed too. We lose pieces of ourselves in what we choose to shatter and discard. What happens to those pieces when we try to start anew? Our relationships tainted by holding onto what once hurt us, things that prevent us from fully evolving. We hide behind our emotions- we do not text the people we like back in fear that we are being "too much". We do not tell our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us in fear of being "too sappy", "too cliche", "too emotional". These terms become catalysts in preventing us from furthering and connecting to our ever changing emotions. It is as if the arenas of our emotions become overfilled, the doors close as the last call for sentiment is made. We become disenchanted with the way we form relationships- hindered by rituals that become devoid of meaning. "Oh he took two hours to text back, I will take four...", "She is snapchatting me but never hitting me up to hang out, I am going to ghost her..." "She's my friend but sometimes I don't understand her so I do not like talking to her..." Our words become empty as we try to fight fire with fire, disconnect ourselves from people we do not even try to understand. We become stuck like glue to paper in certain relationships, the stickiness of it all becomes hard to remove. The relationships that occur in these social spaces become so strained and so hard to engage in- all hope becomes lost. We always think of the what ifs when it comes to engaging with people. We become numb to ways of connecting that when it becomes too late, the only blame we can place is with ourselves. Just like Kanye said, "If you admire somebody, you should go ahead and tell em/people never get the flowers while they can still smell em"
The air was crisp and thick with last nights rain, The sun kissed the tall autumn skyline as birds sang their soliloquies And I was standing there unchanged. The illustrious clouds painted a vivid cascade, so heartbreakingly beautiful that it was difficult to leave. It was difficult to comprehend The boundless constraint of nature. The [...]
It has been forever since my last post! I have definitely missed writing, a luxury that is hard to indulge in when you are busy with the trials and tribulations of school. Summer 2016... I started off thinking that this would be an awful summer- the idea of summer school discouraged me, it made me [...]
I have found myself in a state of in between, a limbo-like state that makes me constantly feel like I'm dangling from the edge of a cliff, one hand simply separating me from plummeting to my untimely death. I am between two selves, two feelings, two possible outcomes of my life's journey. I am between liking [...]
“When someone's been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it's like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you're just [...]
I was talking to someone from school recently and she asked me "Halima, why don't you post more frequently? I don't get it, you have all this time and yet your blog remains dormant and all you do is watch netflix everyday, are you lazy..." While this is partially true, what I did not like was the polarizing attitude she had and the lack of understanding she possessed about writers block. Some say that writers block is a myth, just an imaginary and psychological barrier in your mind that you create when you want to avoid fear of being judged or justify not writing. To these people I say, to hell with you!
What if we actually decided to be honest about what we were thinking? What we were feeling? What if we actually said what we meant to say instead of a redefined, edited and manufactured version of our thoughts? Our feelings? Our emotions? What if we didn't hide behind messages of "it's fine" or "it's not [...]
The art of rejection and feelings of unrequited love is similar to someone pouring salt into an open wound, it stings and hurts but eventually you clean it out and get over it. Or so we think. I remember as a child, the ideals of love were so simple, you meet someone, and you [...]
I remember thinking to myself, "Wow I cannot believe it's 2015... sometimes I still catch myself writing 2010 as the date on papers!" after which I would quickly erase, frazzled at the idea that I would write 2010 on a university based paper. I did not expect to have such a whirlwind year filled with endless [...]
It has been 5 years and quite some time now, But it still feels like I have just lost you. I remember the phone ringing and with it my life was forever changed. Like a fresh wound just inflicted upon my skin, the pain overwhelms me and shocks me to the core. It is so [...]
What does it mean to ghost someone? I am not speaking from a literal perspective as I am well aware of the social and emotional ramifications this *newly formed* concept has, but what does it truly mean? I always wondered how someone could lose feelings for someone so quickly... feelings that have been cultivated and [...]
Hello there, it has been a while. I know I keep saying this. I'm starting to feel like a broken record. I'm starting to feel like Frank Ocean after he promised a new album for July. (Btw where is the new album at Frank?!?!) Lately, I have been swept up in a whirlwind called School. The [...]
So I lied. Blogging everyday is no easy task... especially when you decide to do it in the middle of the busiest month ever: mid-term season. The stress, the anxiety... the readings... oh god. Nonetheless I missed you HelloHalima. I recently celebrated my 20th birthday in style of course... at an all you can eat brunch. [...]
I was rummaging through my closet and came across a box of photographs and there you were. Your effortless beauty and heartwarming smile frozen in time, captured by a single random moment of wonder and curiosity. I remember that day vividly: I had just purchased my new camera and you were the first [...]
Hello October. It's nice to see you again. I missed you. I remember being excited for your arrival as a young child. The first of October meant 5 more days until my birthday. 5 more days until growing up and growing taller, growing wiser and feeling older. It symbolized something more to me, something amazing [...]
I wanted you to know the truth and nothing but and yet a spiral of lies consumed us. the type that allowed us to be friendly for a while and yet conniving and evil when the day was up. the truth behind betrayal is that you never see it coming, it blinds you like a [...]
I often wonder what would have happened if I had said it back then. Would things have been different? Would you still be the person I know today? Would we still maintain the relationship we have today? Would those three letter words impact the course of our journey through this world? Would it have made a [...]
First post aka the start of something new *cue high school musical song*. As the great Lorelai Gilmore once said, "My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish!" SdfaksjdfkasdjfaksjdfJ!! Which roughly translates to, I can't believe I am finally posting my first ever post on my blog! I don't know why I'm using [...]