It's officially 31 days until 2020, what are your biggest accomplishments? Greatest downfalls? What have you learned? What are you proud of? Take a second, ponder it. 2019 has felt like whirlwind of losses, of wins, of some stagnancy but quick realizations that have turned into progress. Of understanding where you stand and where you… Continue reading REFLECTIONS: a work in progress
What is it about the truth? That makes you want to play the avoidance game, If you avoid something long enough- it’ll disappear right? Wrong. Erosions of miscommunication, Deliverance of blunt truths, In swift acts of self preservation, I retreat within myself. Terrified of what you might say, scared to see what could come of… Continue reading Evading the inevitable
"Stop spending so much time trying to pour yourself into people that aren’t ready or willing to hold you." -Maxwell Diawuoh Recently, I've been introspective on the idea of friendship- on what occurs when there's a standstill in communication, in trust, in love. Often, sometimes- perhaps knowingly or unknowingly, we shrink into smaller versions of… Continue reading relationship rain check
Ambiguity masquerading as hope, I reached for it, siphoned it into my life- hoping that it would somehow transform itself into the answers I was searching for, But Hope left me empty, left me wondering what was next- Hope did what she always does- like a chameleon, she transformed herself into something new- something different,… Continue reading Hope, Ambiguity, Confusion: a ménage of dreams
It’s easy to say that I miss you- but perhaps that’s a lie, It’s only when the memories rush through my mind, Montages of happy beginnings and abrupt endings, Maybe I miss the memories the most And you the least, I definitely do not miss the pain you caused me, Sometimes if I shut my… Continue reading Valentine’s Fool
I wrote this poem a couple years ago when I felt consumed by anxiety/depression. For me, it wasn't about the quality of the poem but the outlet it provided me to feel calm again. An anxiety attack makes you feel out of control, elevates the beating of your heart- to create intense palpitations, makes you… Continue reading Anxiety+Mental Health in the age of #BellLetsTalk
It's that time of the year again, a new year/ the freshness of a new start. Snow's falling on Toronto's cemented streets, lush pilings that's pretty to look at but dreadful to walk/drive through. In true global warming fashion, it's all gone the next day. Kind of makes you feel hopeful! The feeling of a… Continue reading January 2019: c-c-changes!
You are a stranger in my mind- roaming about with no substance of memory to hold you up. Pedestals you once occupied- now torn down- renovated into vacancies that will never be filled again. Souls cascading into an ever flowing stream of awkward encounters and empty relations. The love- one that was once plentiful and… Continue reading forgetfulness
Free falling into an unknown abyss/ reliving dreams shaping up into nightmares, sleepless nights and empty thoughts/ feeling kind of lost, distractions only last a while. Cycles of repetitive charades, will I ever be content? Premature happiness brought on by moments of complete bliss, will it ever be enough? Incomplete contemplation and contemplated hesitation, what's… Continue reading Word Vomit/ What’s Next?
Hi, it's me again. Ugh... dont say it don't say it don't say it don't say it .... back at it again with another blog post! UGH! I HaveN'T posTED iN A WhILE. I can't help but laugh whenever I say such phrases. I am going to stop putting such a premium on posting and… Continue reading 12:34pm on a Thursday, manifestations, dreams and friendship
Do you have a happy place? A memory that you constantly hold dear? One that stops you from going to the deepest darkest places in your mind? Kenya. I dream of you. I stop to drink everything in. The sights, the sounds, the long stretch of road between Eastleigh and Jomo Kenyatta International Airport as… Continue reading flashbacks of kenya
It has taken me a while to get the words together, words that I've never thought of uttering, of even contemplating. I always found a home in you, a type of recognition that only love could find. We've been through a lot together, the pitfalls that life had created for us, experiences that should've bonded… Continue reading losing
It is Sunday, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and last week J-Cole released his fifth studio album on 4/20. Fitting and ironic as the title is "K.O.D" is "Kids on Drugs" or "King Overdose" or "Kill our Demons". All three titles being homages to the ways in which drugs are the biggest… Continue reading KEVIN’S HEART, INFIDELITY, MICRO-CHEATING AND J-COLE’S K.O.D: A REVIEW
It has been interesting, all the twists and turns, The miscarriage of all the words involved. Speaking and yet not saying anything of substance, So why am I feeling so lost? Affected by the debris of your broken promises, Of narratives we tell ourselves to keep from changing orders already put in place. Expectations dropped… Continue reading Silence
All my poetry is starting to sound like it is for you. Beautifully written prose all strung together, encapsulating how I feel. But how do you feel? It's been clear that the mountains you wish to move are not for me, The songs you sing, not meant for my ears. But how do you feel,… Continue reading Poetic Rebirth
What you don't say becomes you. It feels like it's vocalized in the thickness of your silence. The universe is working overtime to correct and rectify the death of your decisions. The less you say, the more you become a permanent fixture of your anti-self. The baritone of your regrets are bellowing out like a… Continue reading Universal Pull
The after effect shocked me to my very core. All this bliss but I still felt torn, All I could think of is the state of you & I, Do you even love her? Or is it just I? You try to have your cake and eat it too, I used to marvel at the… Continue reading INTROSPECTION
Fear. It manifests itself into the aversions you have, the people clowns you are afraid of and of course- through the dark and immense wonders of the world that we are taught as children: the concepts of life and death. As a child, I possessed three fears: 1. swallowing my gum and it becoming etched and stuck in my stomach for 7 years (what kind of myth/fear was this? sounds like it was perpetuated by elementary and middle schoolers and parents to convince you that chewing gum was not beneficial for your teeth) , 2. falling and scraping my knees (did this from my bike once and had to get multiple stitches and have to deal with a lifelong scar that is a constant reminder of the hill I should not have rode down) and 3. disappointing people. It was as if these fears were heightened as an adult, perhaps not the first two but more so- the last. The fear of disappointment becoming an anchor on my heart every time I contemplated making major decisions that could potentially alter the course of my life- especially when you feel like the decision you are making is in your own best interest but is met with a lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the people in your life. But how do we move past this? Karen Thompson Walker has an incredible TEDTalk about Fear, about how fear and storytelling are intertwined and contain the same components that live within our minds. She speaks about the fables that surround fear and how its misconception has flouted our minds into believing its debilitating nature. But what if it isn't? What if fear can be used as a mechanism to imagine the unimaginable, to move the mountains that stand in our way, to conquer the plights that we deem difficult and to finally- dream the type of dreams that can turn into stories. Walker uses this ideology in her TedTalk by equating fear into storytelling and using it to further our understanding. Read More...
It's happened again! This time, the reason for my mia-ness have been a combination of a matter of domain wars with WordPress + Godaddy.com + writing for NaNoMo and trying not to rip my hair from my scalp. I feel as though all my creativity has been sucked dry by trying to remain consistent in my… Continue reading December blues + UPDATES
Instead of studying for my exams, I am sitting here listening to J Cole's latest album '4 Your Eyez Only'. The fire that is emanating from my speakers is quite distracting (oh god Halima that was so corny, this is why you don't write any reviews!). This by far is NOT a traditional music review-… Continue reading J COLE, A REVIEW ON HATERS, ‘THE NEIGHBOURS THINK I’M SELLING DOPE’ AND HOPE
Our eyes meet, begging to have a conversation; The twinkle in yours draws me in closer and closer. The intoxication I feel is better than a mediated high, One that takes me into mindless euphoria, One that shapes the way I feel for you. The point of the matter is discussed through a slight… Continue reading Temptations Rising
Too often we are stuck behind the formalities of hiding behind our pride. We become products of our own self-sabotage as we find ways to hide our real emotions and find the easy route to a lessened ideal of pain. We become afraid of opening up to our loved ones because the truth becomes tangible, we do not apologize when it is the easiest option because fighting takes less energy than letting go of your pride to right a wrong. The options to salvage a friendship become harder to fathom so we end up just cutting ties altogether. In our idea of saving ourselves, we often end up hurting the relations we once held so dear. That being said, some relationships deserve quick snips, severances so real and deep that looking twice is almost disgraceful. You are not fair to yourself when you choose to engage in ideals of toxicity. Toxic friends, toxic behaviours. A barrier and a block to your self-growth, a piece of the self-sabotage tree blossoming into branches of negativity, roots that overtake your life. In this pursuit of tangibility, our grasp of our everyday reality is re-shaped and damaged. We rarely stop to fix and examine the misgivings that we are accustomed too. We lose pieces of ourselves in what we choose to shatter and discard. What happens to those pieces when we try to start anew? Our relationships tainted by holding onto what once hurt us, things that prevent us from fully evolving. We hide behind our emotions- we do not text the people we like back in fear that we are being "too much". We do not tell our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us in fear of being "too sappy", "too cliche", "too emotional". These terms become catalysts in preventing us from furthering and connecting to our ever changing emotions. It is as if the arenas of our emotions become overfilled, the doors close as the last call for sentiment is made. We become disenchanted with the way we form relationships- hindered by rituals that become devoid of meaning. "Oh he took two hours to text back, I will take four...", "She is snapchatting me but never hitting me up to hang out, I am going to ghost her..." "She's my friend but sometimes I don't understand her so I do not like talking to her..." Our words become empty as we try to fight fire with fire, disconnect ourselves from people we do not even try to understand. We become stuck like glue to paper in certain relationships, the stickiness of it all becomes hard to remove. The relationships that occur in these social spaces become so strained and so hard to engage in- all hope becomes lost. We always think of the what ifs when it comes to engaging with people. We become numb to ways of connecting that when it becomes too late, the only blame we can place is with ourselves. Just like Kanye said, "If you admire somebody, you should go ahead and tell em/people never get the flowers while they can still smell em"