forgetfulness

HelloHalima

You are a stranger in my mind- roaming about with no substance of memory to hold you up.

Pedestals you once occupied- now torn down-

renovated into vacancies that will never be filled again.

Souls cascading into an ever flowing stream of

awkward encounters and empty relations.

The love- one that was once plentiful and felt by everyone now ice cold

frozen to the touch.

I don’t know whether I miss you or want to forget you completely

If I think about it hard enough,

my mind unlocks a memory a day/ like a twisted advent calendar.

Instead of sweet decadent chocolates-

I get mirages of pure happiness turned bitter by the sadness in my heart.

Your impact on my life- left like bootprints on freshly fallen snow,

But like all snow fall, more eventually trickle down from the sky

Covering up any and all comprehension of our ties.

It’s hard to think  of how far we’ve fallen,

from the highest peak of our Ivory towers,

Now splattered on the ground- run over on the asphalt- gone forever.

You’ve become a ghost in my heart, a spirit that I so badly wish to resurrect but how can I?

Familiarity replaced with resentment,

Resentment in cahoots with constant misunderstanding,

Isn’t it easier to lock away the cookie cutter ideals of starting over than to

endure moments of Deja Vu?

Who are you?

12:34pm on a Thursday, manifestations, dreams and friendship

HelloHalima, Life, Poetry

Hi, it’s me again.

Ugh… dont say it

don’t say it

don’t say it

don’t say it

….

back at it again with another blog post!

mocking-spongebob

I HaveN’T posTED iN A WhILE HEADASS! 

UGH!

I HaveN’T posTED iN A WhILE. I can’t help but laugh whenever I say such phrases.

I am going to stop putting such a premium on posting and see if that alleviates any sort of pressure or blame within the self. A lot has happened since my last “updates” post, I turned 23, in the process of *shuddering* applying my masters programs, employed but looking for a new job that is sandwiched between my two loves of health studies and English (employers, here’s looking at you!) and overall just trying to live “my best life”.

Recently, I’ve been living in such a writing drought that late night twitter had me up writing twitter poetry. 😭 it’s interesting how you yearn for all your hopes and dreams to come true but your self sabotaging monster (can you tell I started watching Big Mouth On Netflix?) will awaken within you and you end up blocking your own blessings.

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I don’t think I have a hormone monster, I have a self sabatoge monster. Can that be a thing?

You become ignorant to what you once dreamed of, the goals you wanted to establish, the realities you wanted to create. When I first started this blog, the goal was twofold, one part was to just post poetry, articles and have an outlet for my creative expressions. The other goal was to eventually write a book of sorts, an anthology inspired by love, loss and everything in between. By halting- self sabotaging my blog dreams, I indefinitely put the book dreams on the shelf. I don’t know what it is! Is it depression? Anxiety? Fear of disappointing myself? Whenever I do it, I kick myself… imaging being your own worst enemy. This is not energy I’d wish upon my worst enemy.

An Anthology by Halima Farah

I spent the better half of 2018, slowly grinding- trying to get over things… trying to live a life free of lived trauma, trying to just read, work and apply for these masters programs, trying to get over major friendships that have broken my heart, trying to get back to my dreams. There’s trying and then there’s being reminded that there’s an end goal. That’s just the part I was missing and did not know how to find. In the process of getting back to my dreams, I received a remarkable birthday present from my friends Niya, Heaven, Nikita and Rochelle. A published anthology of all my poetry, articles and everything in between! A tangible example of my dreams coming to life. Inside, every single poem I ever cried writing, articles that I’ve mulled over, ideas that I have pondered since the inception of this blog. To say I cried was an understatement. It was a wonderful reminder of your friends not giving up on you- not letting you give up on yourself- to continue to fight for your creative ideas and freedoms, to continue to imagine, cultivate and create.

It has definitely helped to jet-start my love for writing, my ideas and has left me so inspired. This post is dedicated to them- my angels and to all my friends who constantly leave me with inspiration, motivation and endless support and love. THANK YOU. This is why supporting your friends is so important- you could be the catalyst in healing their creative spirits and souls. Sometimes we get by with a little help from our friends. Thank you.

Manifestations for 2019 and for this post:

  • I will write more/post more content on hellohalima
  • I will work towards publishing my own anthology by the end of next year
  • I will continue to look for inspiration in my friends and my lived experiences.
  • I will spend time saying no, putting myself first and working toward my goals…

Till next time, XO.