It's officially 31 days until 2020, what are your biggest accomplishments? Greatest downfalls? What have you learned? What are you proud of? Take a second, ponder it. 2019 has felt like whirlwind of losses, of wins, of some stagnancy but quick realizations that have turned into progress. Of understanding where you stand and where you… Continue reading REFLECTIONS: a work in progress
What is it about the truth? That makes you want to play the avoidance game, If you avoid something long enough- it’ll disappear right? Wrong. Erosions of miscommunication, Deliverance of blunt truths, In swift acts of self preservation, I retreat within myself. Terrified of what you might say, scared to see what could come of… Continue reading Evading the inevitable
Ambiguity masquerading as hope, I reached for it, siphoned it into my life- hoping that it would somehow transform itself into the answers I was searching for, But Hope left me empty, left me wondering what was next- Hope did what she always does- like a chameleon, she transformed herself into something new- something different,… Continue reading Hope, Ambiguity, Confusion: a ménage of dreams
It’s easy to say that I miss you- but perhaps that’s a lie, It’s only when the memories rush through my mind, Montages of happy beginnings and abrupt endings, Maybe I miss the memories the most And you the least, I definitely do not miss the pain you caused me, Sometimes if I shut my… Continue reading Valentine’s Fool
Free falling into an unknown abyss/ reliving dreams shaping up into nightmares, sleepless nights and empty thoughts/ feeling kind of lost, distractions only last a while. Cycles of repetitive charades, will I ever be content? Premature happiness brought on by moments of complete bliss, will it ever be enough? Incomplete contemplation and contemplated hesitation, what's… Continue reading Word Vomit/ What’s Next?
Do you have a happy place? A memory that you constantly hold dear? One that stops you from going to the deepest darkest places in your mind? Kenya. I dream of you. I stop to drink everything in. The sights, the sounds, the long stretch of road between Eastleigh and Jomo Kenyatta International Airport as… Continue reading flashbacks of kenya
All my poetry is starting to sound like it is for you. Beautifully written prose all strung together, encapsulating how I feel. But how do you feel? It's been clear that the mountains you wish to move are not for me, The songs you sing, not meant for my ears. But how do you feel,… Continue reading Poetic Rebirth
What you don't say becomes you. It feels like it's vocalized in the thickness of your silence. The universe is working overtime to correct and rectify the death of your decisions. The less you say, the more you become a permanent fixture of your anti-self. The baritone of your regrets are bellowing out like a… Continue reading Universal Pull
Fear. It manifests itself into the aversions you have, the people clowns you are afraid of and of course- through the dark and immense wonders of the world that we are taught as children: the concepts of life and death. As a child, I possessed three fears: 1. swallowing my gum and it becoming etched and stuck in my stomach for 7 years (what kind of myth/fear was this? sounds like it was perpetuated by elementary and middle schoolers and parents to convince you that chewing gum was not beneficial for your teeth) , 2. falling and scraping my knees (did this from my bike once and had to get multiple stitches and have to deal with a lifelong scar that is a constant reminder of the hill I should not have rode down) and 3. disappointing people. It was as if these fears were heightened as an adult, perhaps not the first two but more so- the last. The fear of disappointment becoming an anchor on my heart every time I contemplated making major decisions that could potentially alter the course of my life- especially when you feel like the decision you are making is in your own best interest but is met with a lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the people in your life. But how do we move past this? Karen Thompson Walker has an incredible TEDTalk about Fear, about how fear and storytelling are intertwined and contain the same components that live within our minds. She speaks about the fables that surround fear and how its misconception has flouted our minds into believing its debilitating nature. But what if it isn't? What if fear can be used as a mechanism to imagine the unimaginable, to move the mountains that stand in our way, to conquer the plights that we deem difficult and to finally- dream the type of dreams that can turn into stories. Walker uses this ideology in her TedTalk by equating fear into storytelling and using it to further our understanding. Read More...
It's happened again! This time, the reason for my mia-ness have been a combination of a matter of domain wars with WordPress + Godaddy.com + writing for NaNoMo and trying not to rip my hair from my scalp. I feel as though all my creativity has been sucked dry by trying to remain consistent in my… Continue reading December blues + UPDATES
“When someone's been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it's like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you're just… Continue reading Time’s Tale
I was talking to someone from school recently and she asked me "Halima, why don't you post more frequently? I don't get it, you have all this time and yet your blog remains dormant and all you do is watch netflix everyday, are you lazy..." While this is partially true, what I did not like was the polarizing attitude she had and the lack of understanding she possessed about writers block. Some say that writers block is a myth, just an imaginary and psychological barrier in your mind that you create when you want to avoid fear of being judged or justify not writing. To these people I say, to hell with you!
Hello there, it has been a while. I know I keep saying this. I'm starting to feel like a broken record. I'm starting to feel like Frank Ocean after he promised a new album for July. (Btw where is the new album at Frank?!?!) Lately, I have been swept up in a whirlwind called School. The… Continue reading Half-Written Scribblings
Hello October. It's nice to see you again. I missed you. I remember being excited for your arrival as a young child. The first of October meant 5 more days until my birthday. 5 more days until growing up and growing taller, growing wiser and feeling older. It symbolized something more to me, something amazing… Continue reading October+Autumn
I wanted you to know the truth and nothing but and yet a spiral of lies consumed us. the type that allowed us to be friendly for a while and yet conniving and evil when the day was up. the truth behind betrayal is that you never see it coming, it blinds you like a… Continue reading Truth
I often wonder what would have happened if I had said it back then. Would things have been different? Would you still be the person I know today? Would we still maintain the relationship we have today? Would those three letter words impact the course of our journey through this world? Would it have made a… Continue reading Questions
First post aka the start of something new *cue high school musical song*. As the great Lorelai Gilmore once said, "My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish!" SdfaksjdfkasdjfaksjdfJ!! Which roughly translates to, I can't believe I am finally posting my first ever post on my blog! I don't know why I'm using… Continue reading New Chapter