Photo by Alexander Milov
Ambiguity masquerading as hope,
I reached for it, siphoned it into my life-
hoping that it would somehow transform itself into the answers I was searching for,
But Hope left me empty, left me wondering what was next-
Hope did what she always does- like a chameleon, she transformed herself into something new-
something shiny and alluring,
I reached for it, hoping it would lead me to another path, one that was not disturbed by traffic or decay,
But alas, I was stumped again, trying to rack my brain- wondering what I did to deserve such treatment,
All I wanted was for my love to be received and given back tenfold, but all I was getting in return was 1 percent off my investment,
Scammed, cheated and searching for another way out- I mistook friendship for love,
And Hope disappeared for a while.
I enjoyed Friendships company, she left me feeling full with love- with respect- with a big heart and sometimes a big head,
But those pesky feelings, creeped back up again,
There she was- sitting pretty, Hope.
I sighed, exhausted by this cat and mouse game- a game that I did not have the rule book too
I was saddened by his heart, wondering why I was not apart of his affections,
Wondering why hope did not transform into what I wanted her to be,
I was in love but the only one that could see it was me,
Well- me and Ambiguity,
I saw how he cradled his confusion, feeding into it until it destroyed Hope,
she was no match for what lied ahead-
He chose confusion and chaos over figuring out what he felt for me,
I felt cheated and I missed Hope deeply.
Egos bruised, wondering why I wasn’t enough
But I quickly realized, it wasn’t me
I realized I couldn’t be sad over someone who did not want me,
That’s a loss that will register in his mind eventually,
I offered him love in plentiful heaps,
He chose confusion over me,
I hope they are happy together.
They have to be.