You are a stranger in my mind- roaming about with no substance of memory to hold you up. Pedestals you once occupied- now torn down- renovated into vacancies that will never be filled again. Souls cascading into an ever flowing stream of awkward encounters and empty relations. The love- one that was once plentiful and [...]
Free falling into an unknown abyss/ reliving dreams shaping up into nightmares, sleepless nights and empty thoughts/ feeling kind of lost, distractions only last a while. Cycles of repetitive charades, will I ever be content? Premature happiness brought on by moments of complete bliss, will it ever be enough? Incomplete contemplation and contemplated hesitation, what's [...]
Hi, it's me again. Ugh... dont say it don't say it don't say it don't say it .... back at it again with another blog post! UGH! I HaveN'T posTED iN A WhILE. I can't help but laugh whenever I say such phrases. I am going to stop putting such a premium on posting and [...]
I had a dream where I was submerged in water, unable to move. My body scarily still- as if it has forgotten how to fight or swim. Paralyzed. My mind racing and head swirling with thoughts of mortality and all I could see is you. All I could feel was you. Perhaps it was the [...]
Too often we are stuck behind the formalities of hiding behind our pride. We become products of our own self-sabotage as we find ways to hide our real emotions and find the easy route to a lessened ideal of pain. We become afraid of opening up to our loved ones because the truth becomes tangible, we do not apologize when it is the easiest option because fighting takes less energy than letting go of your pride to right a wrong. The options to salvage a friendship become harder to fathom so we end up just cutting ties altogether. In our idea of saving ourselves, we often end up hurting the relations we once held so dear. That being said, some relationships deserve quick snips, severances so real and deep that looking twice is almost disgraceful. You are not fair to yourself when you choose to engage in ideals of toxicity. Toxic friends, toxic behaviours. A barrier and a block to your self-growth, a piece of the self-sabotage tree blossoming into branches of negativity, roots that overtake your life. In this pursuit of tangibility, our grasp of our everyday reality is re-shaped and damaged. We rarely stop to fix and examine the misgivings that we are accustomed too. We lose pieces of ourselves in what we choose to shatter and discard. What happens to those pieces when we try to start anew? Our relationships tainted by holding onto what once hurt us, things that prevent us from fully evolving. We hide behind our emotions- we do not text the people we like back in fear that we are being "too much". We do not tell our friends and loved ones how much they mean to us in fear of being "too sappy", "too cliche", "too emotional". These terms become catalysts in preventing us from furthering and connecting to our ever changing emotions. It is as if the arenas of our emotions become overfilled, the doors close as the last call for sentiment is made. We become disenchanted with the way we form relationships- hindered by rituals that become devoid of meaning. "Oh he took two hours to text back, I will take four...", "She is snapchatting me but never hitting me up to hang out, I am going to ghost her..." "She's my friend but sometimes I don't understand her so I do not like talking to her..." Our words become empty as we try to fight fire with fire, disconnect ourselves from people we do not even try to understand. We become stuck like glue to paper in certain relationships, the stickiness of it all becomes hard to remove. The relationships that occur in these social spaces become so strained and so hard to engage in- all hope becomes lost. We always think of the what ifs when it comes to engaging with people. We become numb to ways of connecting that when it becomes too late, the only blame we can place is with ourselves. Just like Kanye said, "If you admire somebody, you should go ahead and tell em/people never get the flowers while they can still smell em"