Photo by Alexander Milov
Ambiguity masquerading as hope,
I reached for it, siphoned it into my life-
hoping that it would somehow transform itself into the answers I was searching for,
But Hope left me empty, left me wondering what was next-
Hope did what she always does- like a chameleon, she transformed herself into something new-
something different,
something shiny and alluring,
I reached for it, hoping it would lead me to another path, one that was not disturbed by traffic or decay,
But alas, I was stumped again, trying to rack my brain- wondering what I did to deserve such treatment,
All I wanted was for my love to be received and given back tenfold, but all I was getting in return was 1 percent off my investment,
Scammed, cheated and searching for another way out- I mistook friendship for love,
And Hope disappeared for a while.
I enjoyed Friendships company, she left me feeling full with love- with respect- with a big heart and sometimes a big head,
But those pesky feelings, creeped back up again,
There she was- sitting pretty, Hope.
I sighed, exhausted by this cat and mouse game- a game that I did not have the rule book too
I was saddened by his heart, wondering why I was not apart of his affections,
Wondering why hope did not transform into what I wanted her to be,
I was in love but the only one that could see it was me,
Well- me and Ambiguity,
I saw how he cradled his confusion, feeding into it until it destroyed Hope,
she was no match for what lied ahead-
He chose confusion and chaos over figuring out what he felt for me,
I felt cheated and I missed Hope deeply.
Egos bruised, wondering why I wasn’t enough
But I quickly realized, it wasn’t me
I realized I couldn’t be sad over someone who did not want me,
That’s a loss that will register in his mind eventually,
I offered him love in plentiful heaps,
He chose confusion over me,
I hope they are happy together.
They have to be.
It’s happened again! This time, the reason for my mia-ness have been a combination of a matter of domain wars with WordPress + Godaddy.com + writing for NaNoMo and trying not to rip my hair from my scalp. I feel as though all my creativity has been sucked dry by trying to remain consistent in my writing routines for this past national novel writing month and yet I found myself missing the strokes of my keyboard and writing for this forgotten and left in the lurch blog named hellohalima.
2. Make connections with Professors. I cannot stress this enough! My first two years began with me dodging Professors, afraid to look them in the eye as they would often catch me on my phone or falling asleep in their classes. I did not know how to maintain relationships with Professors that would have 100-200 students in their class, even when I went to office hours, I was often a rambling mess- trying to think of things to help me sound intelligent in the particular field that they were from. Don’t worry about any of that! Start off every class by finding an opportunity to introduce yourself to the Professor, “Hi, I’m Halima and I am really looking forward to this class!”- a little goes a long way as introducing yourself helps you to be a memorable student. As the course progresses, go to office hours! Talk about the readings, what you understand, what you don’t understand! What you want to know more about… conversations will allow you to not only further your education but will help you deepen your understanding about the material at hand. Finally, ditch emails for face to face interactions. Often times, emails are so overly formal and personal. If you find an opportunity to explain your questions or problems with the Professor in person- you will be able to make an impression that will last longer.
to work on. By letting others influence your worth, you become lost and disillusioned in who you are and what you are about. I was inspired by a video I recently watched a video titled: 
hellohalima 